Chocolate Spiders

HEY ALL.

GOING TO ANIME EXPO. I ROCK. SUCK IT.

I stole this from Kei-chan cause it looked interesting. Wanna see if I contradict myself!

How old are you going to be when you get married?

Put an X in every box that applies to you. Add up all the x`s and title subject with the sum as "My marriage age is__"


[X] You know how to make a pot of coffee
[ ] You keep track of dates using a calendar
[X] You own more than one credit card
[X] You know how to change the oil in a car (bike, car, van, tank.)
[X] You do your own laundry
[X] You vote every election (In the presidential ones... Not so much others)
[X] You can cook for yourself
[ ] You think politics are exciting
[ ] You balance your own checkbook
[X] Your parents have better things to say than your friends

Total: 7

[X] You show up for school/college/work every day early
[X] You always carry a pen in your pocket/purse
[ ] You've never gotten a detention
[ ] You have never smoked a cigarette
[ ] You have never gotten completely trashed
[ ] You have forgotten your own birthday at least once
[X] You like to take walks by yourself
[X] You've watched talk shows
[ ] You know what 'credibility' means without looking it up
[X] You drink coffee[caffine] at least once a week

Total: 5

[X] You know how to do the dishes
[X] You can count to 10 in another language
[X] When you say you're going to do something you do it (most of the time)
[X] My parents trust me
[X] You can mow the lawn
[X] You can make adults laugh without being stupid
[ ] You remember to water the plants (no plants....i'm lazy)
[X] You study when you have to (why?)
[X] You pay attention at school/college
[X] You remember to feed your pets (well yeah...when I had them)

Total: 9

[X] You can spell 'experience' without looking it up.
[X] You work out on a regular basis (Yes, I hate not doing nothing+double negative, hehe!)
[X] You clean up your own mess (Most of the time, so clean up yours bitches.)
[ ] The people at Starbucks know you by name
[ ] Your favorite kind of food is take out
[X] You have gained weight since middle/high school
[ ] The first thing you do when you wake up is get caffeine
[X] You can go to the store without getting something you don't need (always!)
[X] You understand political jokes the first time they are said (eh...depends)
[X] You can type quickly

Total: 7

[X] You have realized that the weather forecast changes every hour (actually, I realized it's almost completely UNRELIABLE)
[ ] Your only friends are from your place of employment
[ ] You have been to a Tupperware party
[X] You have realized that no one will take you seriously unless you are over the age of 25 and have a job
[X] You have more bills than you can pay
[ ] Most of all your friends are older than you are (half are older half are younger)
[X] You can say no to staying out all night
[X] You use the internet every day
[X] Your wardrobe hasn't changed in a while
[X] You can read a book and actually finish it

Total: 7

So...in the end...my marriage age is 35. Wow...I'll be an old maid! HAHAHA! Oh well! See ya in...12 years peeps! There MIGHT be a wedding since I noticed not once in this meme were there questions about neurotic/psychotic behavior!

I'm damned...I know it. So I'm having a "talk" with my mother because she wants to express her thoughts to me about how I've changed. How i've become mean and bitter and angry. How she hates my boyfriend and will never like him and will never want him around. She also wants to let me know that if I move back up North she won't call me either. Not like she ever did before, really.

My dad also hates him...for reasons I still can't get. My dad's not very clear. He only think I'm trying to sway his mind and decision. I'm not.

And me...well, I get to be the blacksheep of the family for being with some I love and who loves me and cares about me and wants to take care of me. Fairytales really are for suckers...no one likes him, I guess. I suppose that everyone only see what they saw the first time. No one can change in their eyes. Even though I've changed, I'm still slightly perfect to them (which is weird. How can anything be slightly perfect?) So...yeah...I'm screwed. I stay with them, I lose him. I stay with him...I lose them. Why does it have to be this way? It's not exactly like having one's cake and eating it too. They're my family. They're supposed to love my unconditionally, and ultimately accept--though not like--my decision because they want me to be happy. I'm taking a chance that this man will be my husband and life mate. However...I haven't had many great examples and they keep telling me I'm making such a grave mistake. And I'm not sure what to believe because I don't exactly have as much experience...but what else can I do?

I thought we were supposed to take chances and learn from mistakes when made. But if they won't let me take a chance...how will I ever know?

I don't know anymore. All I know is that I feel like I'm being pulled in two directions...and for once...I really don't know which one to choose...

So I was thinking about some shit that was bothering me...and well...it REALLY is bothering me.

Ok, I never really used to be the jealous type or someone to ask her bf not to hang out with someone...but lately...I've been feeling this way. I imagine I was this way before but never expressed it because I thought that's what a guy wanted in his gf. So I didn't really express it. However, as of last night...I was kinda pissed off about it. My BF tells me, "oh, I'm going to target with Sara tomorrow." I could feel a vein pop out in my head, figuratively speaking--kinda like in anime except not funny. I said, "oh, ok." because I was trying not to be a bitch, or jealous. But then it just came out like verbal diarrhea...it was awful and it was only two short, fragmented sentences. Now he isn't talking to me. I'm kinda annoyed because I used to not be this way...and I was to be angry but I can't. It's not like he is gonna do anything. I know this for a fact. So why am I trippin?

I HAVE NO FUCKIN CLUE!

For fucks' sake...it's frustrating. I know he doesn't want her. I know he doesn't like her. I know he loves me. He's proven it time and time again. DAMN INSECURITY! I kinda wanna bash my head in right now but I've had no such luck so far. So now I am just banging my head in while writing an essay and flying to Blade's Edge Mountain to do absolutely nothing while I watch my sick, 2 yr old cousin for the 2nd week in a row. I want to bash my head over a broken bottle of Jack...grrr....yeah...serious dumbness here. or like I said...IDIOCY.

Peace.

HAPPY FREAKIN DAWNING OF A NEW AGE. IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME.

GO OBAMA.

PARTY TONIGHT.

GOD BLESS.

So I started school on Monday and boy...it feels weird to be in that consistent schedule. My lucky ass, however, came down with a bad case of the flu right before, which is slightly reminiscent of my Junior year. I missed the first two weeks of school when THAT happened. However, I am taking today off in hopes that well deserved rest will allow me to NOT miss two weeks like last time. I feel ok right now but tired and achy more or less.

AND HUNGRY.

But there is no soup in this house and I would go buy some but somehow...I don't really wanna go outside since it's chilly. And because I am on some nyquil, therefore resulting in drowsiness. LAME. Anywho..my birthday is on sunday and this sickness has foiled all the "great plans" I had. Stupid. I am gonna miss an awesome hockey game, a great musical and prolly a night out with my friends. I a gonna be stuck at home...FUCKIN LAME. Oh well...I can't risk my health and school, not when I just started. Not ever, really. Lol.

How is everyone else doing?

So...Christmas is over and done...and now onto New Year's...weird...doesn't feel TOO different, other than me starting school. I am...not sure how I feel about that. Grr...

On another, more pleasant note, I am trying my hardest to do better, to be more of an independent woman and do what I want, as long as it doesn't violate my morals. Don't wanna live anyone else's life or their dreams...not anymore. Hm...that reminds me...I totally received 3 Christmas Presents. But shit...were they awesome!

My christmas present's:

*Quill Set & Ink Well, plus parchment paper & a cool journal with rainbow skulls

* 3 quills : 2 feathered, 1 ball point.

* Batman comforter, sham, pillowcase, bedksirt and bedsheets (AWESOME)

I am supposed to get a leather bound journal later on, but hey, it's cool. I am quite content with what I did receive. ^.^ I'm so ready to leave behind all the problems of 2008, all the sorrows and hardships in hopes that this new year will bring prosperity, joy, love, life, laughter and for me...courage and hope. Here's to sailing into 2009. Cheers!

~Choco

Not sure...something's going on. I am all shaky as I write this. I think the willbutrin is too strong or something but anywayz...school is almost over...I have two midterms--one tomorrow, one on friday plus the take home part which is due next friday. I'm anxious to see what I got on my Brit. Lit. I Essay and not so eager to work on my Brit. Lit. II essay, mainly cause poetry confuses the crap out of me. On top of that I must watch Notorious for Hitchcock film class plus do the midterm--and read for Brit. Lit. I & II. Lord...I feel behind somewhere and I have to climb back up to the top but it's been rather hard...I hate 8:00 class, too. Eh...aside from that, I've been pretty out of it lately. School being over feels so real yet so foreign and everything revolving around school is lucid. It's like someone took an opaque curtain and covered my contacts with it or something. Plus I'm at war. I guess things aren't too bad...just really...WEIRD. Well, hope everyone else is doing all right.

OMIFGOD...School is over in two months. I won't be in college (undergrad anyway...) anymore and I don't know what to do with my life!!!!

Midterms this week -----> FUCK YOU MIDTERMS!
Finals in two months ----> SHIIIIIIIIIIIT!
Graduation ------> THANK JEBUS!
Full time job ---> FUCKING LAME >.<
Living in L.A. again ---> AWESOME! ^.^
Seeing my boo -----> LOVELY ^.~
Living w/my best friend and cousins ----> OUTTA THIS WORLD!

But damn...I don't know what to do when I'm NOT in school...I mean...what the hell? I have to work a full time job...?!

Well, at least I'll have a B.A.

So I'm not really complaining...it's more like...EGADS?! WTF?!?!?! I am amazed.

I am accomplished.

WOOT FOR LIFE AFTER UNDERGRAD COLLEGE!

Now...if I could just find a field internship/grad school...

Eh...back to writing chapter 11 of Behind the Smoke Screen....

I guess it has definitely come to an end. I don't know why I am hoping anymore. I just...need to move on and I can't seem to make myself, cause I don't want to. But...that's not my own choice. Whether they all know it or not....it's not my own choice. And I guess...it's time I got my head right and stopped being a stupid, idiotic fool...and stopped following a head and heart that know nothing...and can't think or feel right.

They are liars...why do they do this? They sit there and critisize and accuse....and then they go and act like everything is fine, like they want to be helpful, like they care...but they don't! They've said it, to me! They made it clear, to everyone! Why?! WHAT THE FUCK DOES IT ACCOMPLISH WHEN PEOPLE DO THAT?! All it does is cause hrut and confusion! I can't stand them right now! While I've never hate the, they make me sick. I get disgusted when I talk to them, when they openly lie to me about their intentions. Oh wait, that's just when it includes me, isn't it? They want to help as long as I'm not in the equation. never mind that I want to help, that me being there has helped so much. I don't do it out of obligation or guilt. For fuck's sake...I do it all bcause I care, because I think someone is worht NOT giving up on this time, because...because I am in love. Because I am an idiot, a foolish, regretful idiot. To everyone...everyone who knows what a bad idea this is, who knows because they've been through it, because they've defied their parents and ended up so unhappy with their lives. Because people who are damaged deserve no happiness, not with someone as perfect and stable as I supposedly am. I deserve better--that's all I hear. I am a prize. I deserve someone who will make me smile, who will take care of me, who will support me, who will be rich and I won't have to worry about all the things in life that my parents and sister have. Because they don't want me to be like them.

Well, hey, here's a newsflash...I HAVE THAT PART YOU DON'T. I'm happy with this person despite the things that have arisen. I want to be there through it. i want to to be there, to grow and learn with this person. I want to go through the hard times with them because through it all...he can make me smile, no matter how bad the situation has become.

But cruel, how it would happen this way and I would become a fool...because they are right. They're always right. My family would NEVER lead me astray, would they? They're family. They can't do that. They're ALWAYS right. They're ALWAYS right. And i wonder what it all means...to have this feeling, for the first time in my life. Is it dangerous? Is it wrong? is it normal? Does it mean I am growing up? Taking chances...taking my own steps, not listening to whate everyone has told just because they KNOW, because they have experienced?

It's so much easier to listen to people...to listen to their experiences and think yours will be exactly the same, or pretty damn close, like 95%. It's easier to give up then try, to point the finger, to blame, to hate, to destroy...to do all the negative things because it's easier...it doesn't require emotions we have to contend with at all.

But wouldn't it be more amazing to be vulnerable? To believe, to have faith, to give a chance, to forgive--though perhaps not forget--to help? True, you may get hurt...but how would we know life, love, beauty...all those amazing things...how would we know them without all those getting hurt? It's true those negative things are important...but what about the positives, like helping someone...? God...only you know...but i suppose I will learn. But for once...I just want to do what I want to do...even if it means I will be condemned for it. Because at least then I will know it was my decision. Not someone else's.

So...I finally quit Facebook and Myspace...I'm tired of all the connections. But LJ, you're here to stay! Yeah...I should've quit so long ago....

Lets101 - Free Online Dating

Uh...and I took another but I don't think I should put the results of that one up.

Crackwhores and parents who are stubborn and all those nails I want to stick in someone's FUCKING brain...yeah, i'll stab someone with the broken whiskey bottle. Go Jack!

I'd like to put my head in a bucket of water. And not breathe. thank you.

School starts soon. My brother hates me (what else is new there?) and I just don't know where I stand in my relationship anymore. Sometimes I think we're great. Other times...I think he'd rather be with someone else. And I almost tell him to be with someone else. And I almost want to cry and hate him. But other times...I'm just in this fog...and everything is lucid, and I want to down a whole bottle of jack with some happy pills. Hahaha. Strange. Well, at least my boo boo is back from South Africa and the school year can begin. Oh, what fun, for everyone.

HP 7....nice. Haven't gotten very far into it. Just chappie 10 but I've been catchin up on WoW stuff as well as packing for the big move, woo! New apartment! Also, been planning heavily for wedding so have been very busy. Next job....go back to school....blah. But I think a vacation will be nice first so I'm lookin forward to that. i'm kinda tired so I'm going to go to bed soon. Just stopped reading and laying World of Warcraft. Time for bed. THe BF is snoring away....no more Get it Shawty, thanks lloyd. Yes to more wrting, I hope!

How is everyone doin?

Hm....highlights of these past few months....well....that should be easy.

I didn't go to Anime Expo--BOO. Fuckin Boo.

I did work at a weir techy conference for 3 days and made some mula. Yay!

I'm in debt. (who isn't? Oh you, I hate you!) and my previous employer doesn't pay me nearly enough so I might have to quit.

My sister's baby is beautiful! Oh precious Nyalie!

I might have to post pone post secondary education, again!

Hm....not much else, except San Francisco parking sucks balls, fer sure.

And it's been at least two months now and I'm still a level 43 Troll Rogue and have made no progress. Yay for me.

Ah....i'm so NOT tired right now. I slept 8 hours, gah.

Spent the weekened in Tahoe. I'm as happy as I can be.

And I miss Los Angeles much more than I thought I would.

Confusion rules my world. Gah...

Okie, so I took this from Kearin, who took it from kracken...so yeah, just do it.

IF YOU'RE ON MY FRIENDS LIST, I want to know 28 things about you. I don't care if we've never talked, never liked each other, or if we already know everything about each other. I really don't. You are obviously on my flist, so let me know with whom I'm friends!

1. Your Middle Name:
2. Age:
3. Single or Taken:
4. Favourite Movie:
5. Favourite Song or Album:
6. Favourite Band/Artist:
7. Dirty or Clean:
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:
9. Do we know each other outside of LJ?
10. What's your philosophy on life?
11. Is the bottle half-full or half-empty?
12. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?
13. What is your favourite memory of us?
14. What is your favourite guilty pleasure?
15. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:
16. You can have three wishes (for yourself, so forget all the 'world peace etc' malarkey) - what are they :
17. Can we get together and make a cake?
18. Which country is your spiritual home?
19. What is your big weakness?
20. Do you think I'm a good person?
21. What was your best/favourite subject at school:
22. Describe your accent -
23. If you could change anything about me, would you?
24. What do you wear to sleep?
25. Trousers or skirts?
26. Cigarettes or alcohol?
27. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together? (If you have no idea, just say something crazy, it'll entertain me!)
28. Will you repost this so I can fill it out for you?

I hate money. It is a bad thing that makes one's life shitty; or better. In my case, it makes it shittier than i could imagine and i hate that I need it to make things better. Fuckin shitty green paper. I'm so mad about it right now. It's causing me many problems and I wish to spit on it or burn it. Either is good. Ok, done ranting about money,

I am outta school, without a job and tons of bills. I hate all of it. I can't stand this shit.

Ok, done being angry and depressed. I don't like this. Not at all.

Yay for YMCA camp and friends birthdays. Happy 21st in Vegas.

I hate Finals week.

So...as a result, apparently I just hate.